


Don’t Be A Dick

by wildxwired



Category: Schitt’s Creek
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys are dicks, Canon Compliant, First Fight, Fluff, M/M, Stevie is a good bro, relationships are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 04:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19265569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildxwired/pseuds/wildxwired
Summary: “Just so I’m clear, we’re now fighting aboutnotfighting.”





	Don’t Be A Dick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [enablelove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enablelove/gifts).



“Just so I’m clear, we’re now fighting about _not_ fighting,” says Patrick, eyes narrow and shoulders stiffening. He doesn’t mean the words to sound so biting but he’s tired and frustrated and fucking annoyed. 

Leaning against Patrick’s kitchen table, David rakes a hand through his hair and sighs, frustrated. “Yes...no, I — I _don’t know_. I just need you to talk to me, tell me when you’re mad or me or annoyed or just even displeased, whatever you want to call it. I can’t take you being so reasonable all the time.”

Patrick stares and blinks and stares some more. 

“David, what the hell are you talking about?”

David groans, long and annoyed. “I honestly don’t know how I can be any clearer.”

“Try,” says Patrick, arms folded over his chest. 

“Stop being such a pushover!” David finally snaps and Patrick recoils. “Every time you’re pissed at me you never say anything. You go off into another room and count to ten or think of waterfalls or whatever it is you do to calm down, and then nothing.”

“So I’m a pushover for not yelling at you all the time? That’s what you want from me here?” Patrick asks and David’s nostrils flair. 

“How are you not getting this?” he whines, throwing his hands and pushing away from the table. 

Patrick laughs bitterly. It’s been such a long day, such a long annoying day of doing the jobs that aren’t his job. He’s tired, he’s achey, he’s annoyed - and he just wanted a quiet evening at home with his boyfriend. He pinches the bridge of his nose and breathes. 

“Either I’m a pushover or you’re just an idiot,” he says calmly, which he knows will only make the insult worse. He opens his eyes to see David’s jaw set. 

“Well, if it wasn’t for this idiot, you’d be another tragic small town closeted husband trying to explain away gay porn charges on the cable bill to your wife!”

Patrick can feel his body rise in temperature as bile starts to burn at the back of his throat. He points to the door. 

“Get the fuck out of my apartment.”

With no emotion on his face to read, David leaves. 

***

Patrick has never been more glad for a day of vendor pickups. 

Usually he’d stop by the store first to open up and wait for David, drink coffee and talk and get a ‘have a good day’ kiss, but today he drives right passed the store. He tries not to look, but there’s a magnetic pull that he can’t stop. The store’s open, surprisingly, but David is nowhere to be seen. Patrick turns onto the road out of town and flips on the radio. 

It’s been a frustrating night of unrestful sleep. Patrick tossed and turned, bettering his arguments to David over and over again in his head until he gave up on sleep completely and rage cleaned his entire kitchen. 

He just can’t get his head around _why_. 

Why is it a bad thing they don’t argue? Why is he an asshole for not wanting confrontation? Why is it making David so upset? 

They don’t have the perfect relationship by any means, but it’s pretty damn close. There are parts of David that he’s just grown to accept, and what’s the point of arguing, anyway? He’ll take counted breaths and passive aggressive comments any day over full blown _throw your clothes out the window while the neighbors watch_ fights. 

Patrick bangs a hand on the steering wheel and tries to stomp down hard on the urge to turn the car around and go shake David until something he understands falls out. He winds down the window and breathes. He’s picking up from the pottery artist in Elmdale and rage and breakables are never a good mix. 

He purposely stays out for the whole day and doesn’t return to the store until an hour after closing, when he’s sure David is gone. 

***

“You’re a dick,” says Stevie as Patrick opens his door the next evening. 

“Mm, ok, thanks. Bye.” 

Stevie shoots out a hand to stop the door from closing. 

“David’s a dick too. You’re _both_ dicks.”

Patrick sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Great, anything else?”

Stevie thrusts a half empty bottle of whiskey into Patrick’s hands. “I’ll take a cold glass and a slice of lime in mine, thanks,” she says, pushing her way into the apartment. 

Patrick pours them a drink as Stevie takes a seat at the kitchen table. He can feel her eyes on him and he purposely stares back as he slides the glass across the table. 

“So, I’m a dick…” Patrick starts as he takes his own seat, gesturing a hand for Stevie to continue. 

“How often do the Roses argue?” she asks calmly after taking a sip. 

Patrick sighs. “I don’t know. Probably every other day, why?” 

“And do you know how much they used to argue?” Patrick shrugs. “Never. They never argued because they never saw each other. They were barely in each other’s lives and then they moved here and they haven’t stopped arguing since.”

Patrick takes a gulp and hisses against the burn. He shakes it away. “I still don’t understand why you sound pissed at me.” 

Stevie rolls her eyes and leans back. 

“When David first moved here, he was a nightmare. He was inconsiderate, selfish and self centred.”

Though he’s currently not thrilled with his boyfriend, he still feels uncomfortable with the insults - even if they are in past tense. 

“He’s changed,” Patrick defends quickly.

“Any why do you think that is?” Stevie asks, eyes widening like she’s waiting tensely for the penny to drop. 

“He’s...uh, learned to...be better? Nicer?”

Stevie winds her hand forward. “Yeah...go on, how did he learn?”

“Because...you...told him?”

Stevie cocks her fingers at him and clicks. “You got it!”

“What?” Patrick laughs in disbelief. “That makes no sense.”

“Ugh!” Stevie groans. “You’re supposed to be smart. David is still trying to change, he’s always trying to change.”

Patrick swallows against the uncomfortable feeling bubbling in his chest. “Why?”

“Because he spent so long in a life that works so differently from the real world that he had to be someone he hated to survive it. And now he’s here, with questionably normal people trying to navigate a life he’s never been around before and become a person he actually likes,” Stevie explains, looking the kind of sincere that Patrick isn’t used to seeing from her. 

“So he wants me to get mad at him when he does something ridiculous or thoughtless?” Patrick says slowly as the fragments of the puzzle start to lock together. 

Stevie lets out a long breath. “He wants you to help him change - help him to build a good relationship.” 

“We have a good relationship,” Patrick whispers as the anger sweeps away and sadness settles in its place. 

Stevie smiles and reaches to touch Patrick’s arm tentatively. “I know you do. And I know you let him get away with things because of who he was, but that’s not who he is now or who he wants to be in the future. He wants you to tell him if he’s made you unhappy...that’s what normal relationships are like and that’s what he wants.”

“And his family-”

“They argue now because they’re learning to be together, they care enough to let each other know when they’re not happy and they’re closer than ever. David just wants the same from you.”

Patrick drains his glass and leans back in his seat as his wrecked brain tries to process everything. 

“Why didn’t he just say that?” he groans. 

“Because,” Stevie says, pausing to take another sip. “You’re both dicks.” 

***

Patrick leaves Stevie in the apartment and drives quickly to the store. 

Apparently David’s there, working late and sorting through all the unsold inventory Patrick has asked him to go through almost two weeks ago.

The two days they’ve spent apart suddenly feel maddeningly long, and as Patrick throws the car into park by the back door of the store he wants nothing more than to hug David so tight that they become one entity. 

David’s in the small office when Patrick pulls the door open. He startles and looks up from a pile of receipts, eyes widening in surprise. 

“Patrick…” he whispers, but Patrick holds up a hand to silence him. 

“I hate it when you ignore things I ask you to do around the store,” he blurts. “I don’t like it when you’re rude to customers or when you change my lunch order without asking me.”

“Uh, ok,” David says, pushing the chair back from the desk as Patrick walks towards him. 

“It upsets me that Stevie understands you more than I do,” Patrick says softly, trying desperately not to sound half as sad as he feels. 

David smiles kindly. “I think she’s just been dealing with my shit longer.”

Patrick sighs and perches himself of the edge of the desk in front of David. “I know, and I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring your shit instead of dealing with it. I’m sorry for not being honest.”

“I’m sorry for what I said,” David adds, rolling the chair between Patrick’s legs so he can coil his arms around his waist. 

“I know,” Patrick nods, fingers tangling in David’s hair. “I’m still pissed about it, but I know.” 

David presses his face into Patrick’s sweater and inhales deeply. Patrick drops a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Can we go home?” David pulls back to ask. 

Patrick nods and leans down to kiss him, soft and slow and sorry. 

***

When they get back to the apartment the door is locked and Stevie is gone. David opens the door with his own key to find a note inside from Stevie. 

“She says the key is under the mat,” David says, smiling at the note. “She also said we’re dicks and we need to make up.”

Patrick laughs. He takes David by the hand and pulls him towards the bed. “She might be onto something there.”

David grins, allowing Patrick to drag them across the apartment. When they get there, he pushes Patrick against the headboard and climbs into his lap before devouring his mouth. Patrick responds immediately, hands raking up and down David’s back. 

“I love you,” David whispers. “I promise I’ll try and make more sense in future.”

“And I promise to tell you when you’re being a giant pain in the ass,” Patrick smirks and David laughs, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Is this where I make a joke about wanting your giant pain in my ass?” 

Patrick sucks in a breath and tuts. “You and your flattery.” 

David’s mouth twists into a crooked smile and he leans back to pull at Patrick’s sweater, bringing it and the T-shirt beneath off in one. 

 

Patrick fucks David slow, like it’s both a reward and a punishment to them both. He glides steadily in and out, holding David’s bent knee to his chest so he gets even deeper, filling David until he’s pleading. 

“God, David...” Patrick breathes, the slow pull of David’s body driving him crazy. He splays his hand across the back of David’s thigh and rolls his hips again, searching for the spot that makes David arch and chant his name like a prayer. 

When he finally gets it, David’s spine curls up from the bed. “Pa— _yes_ , Patrick.” 

Patrick wraps a hand around David’s neglected dick and jacks him quickly, working hard to keep his hips steady. 

With his hands clutching Patrick’s sides, David comes, head thrown back into the pillow and half of Patrick’s name still in his mouth. Patrick follows quickly, his release washing away the last two days of doubt and anger. He collapses onto David, head pressed to his chest as they both pant through the afterglow. 

“Was that not worth it, even a little bit?” David asks, stroking Patrick’s shoulder thoughtfully. 

Patrick sighs. “Mm, maybe a little.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up on tumblr: wildxwired


End file.
